From last week

I had a couple migraines this week, so I haven't been keeping up as well as I should have been. For some reason, it was quite appealing to watch a marathon of "America's Next Top Model" yesterday. Nevertheless, I did spend a few days in the sun, and I can't explain how marvelous it is to have a job that allows me to be outside and read. I'm finding this book surprisingly easy to dip in and out of, because each event is told so quickly. It's not that the book isn't full of details -- it is -- but when you have to fit a woman's entire life in one novel, I guess you're choosy about which parts you emphasize.

There are a few notes I mistakenly omitted from my previous post. One, a reference to "stick and carrot" on page 34: Wiktionary tells me it's meant to imply a simultaneous promise of good things and threat of bad things; the horse wants the carrot in front of it and is threatened by the whip (stick) so it moves forward. The second is just an interesting quote from Athena's husband:

After my separation from Athena and the great suffering that followed, I wondered if I hadn't made a bad, irresponsible decision, typical of people who've read lots of love stories in their adolescence and desperately want to repeat the tale of Romeo and Juliet. (40)

As of my latest reading, Athena has met both her birth mother, a gypsy, and Edda, her mentor. We also meet again the book's first narrator, Heron. To strangers, Athena at first appears unfriendly and arrogant, but she manages to infect the minds of men and connect with like-minded women. However, she isn't so much arrogant as aware of herself. It's this awareness and potential penchant for drama that seems to cause people to be extremely mindful of what they say to Athena. She's easily influenced but hides her emotions, and with the delicacy of subjects in Athena's life, there's no way to know what the consequences of her reactions will be. " ... her eyes give nothing away, no emotion." (114)

On page 100, we hear Edda relate Athena again to a witch. "I could have explained that she was following the classic path of the witch, who, through her individual persona, seeks contact with the upper and lower world but always ends up destroying her own life--she serves others, gives out energy, but receives nothing in return."

Edda seems to know a lot more about Athena than anyone else, even after having just met her. Edda is full of those same ubiquitous morals, but thrives in the mystic. She talks of trances, heaven and hell, and fate. The trances Athena experiences, according to Edda, occur when "the body sets the soul free, the soul either rises up to heaven or descends into hell" (98). It is through these trances Athena attempts to get in touch with the "blank spaces" -- between notes of music, between letters of calligraphy, her sub-conscience. It's a dangerous place, Edda says. Athena most easily goes into a trance when she is dancing. She visits her birth mother, hoping that will fill in some of her gaps. Her mother seems to be intrigued by Athena; she watches her daughter sleep and tell herself "the ways in which fate changes people are always favorable if we only know how to decipher them" (115).

Athena's mother appears not to know that Athena is dead as she speaks to the "biographer." In fact, she assumes Athena goes on to live a full life, making babies and money. She ends noting that the presence of her grandchildren would mean that her mistakes in life would be forgiven because of her blood remaining on the earth (125). Upon reading this, my first thought was "well then I might be in trouble!" Here being one point in the "religion" of this book that I wouldn't agree with, even if I subscribed to its other tenants. Your forgiveness for mistakes and sins certainly has nothing to do with the ability of your children to procreate.

road to pre-perdition

Today's readings helped explain a little about why Athena is the way she is. I do like that each narrative passage provides a bit more enlightenment than the last. I left off thinking Athena had used her husband just to get a child, but I picked back up thinking perhaps she loved him more than I thought, and her experience with him led to changes in her personality.

When forced to choose between her child and husband, Athena never hesitated to put her son first. She acknowledged this was because of her own abandonment issues as an orphan. "For Athena, breaking family ties was possibly the gravest sin anyone could commit" (43). Because of this, the divorce hit her hard. Similarly, and equally if not more unexpectedly, her exclusion from the sacrament of communion (because of the divorce) was devastating. Her faith was supposed to be the one solid thing she could count on, and its institution had turned on her.

The priest admits to experiencing feelings of dilemma from the situation, but he felt it was most important to uphold church doctrine even though he knew it could break Athena. "Did it all start there, or was it already in her soul?" he wonders (46). "It" presumably refers to the vague evils Athena succumbs to later in life. The reader is still mostly in the dark regarding this witchy alter-ego, but the book is building up to it by detailing her journey to enlightenment. [Compare to Josh (aka Jesus)'s journey in "Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal," in which the Lamb goes in search of spiritual teachings via the Magi.]

It's not long before we discover just how important dance is to Athena. She uses it to "get in touch with something stronger and more powerful" than herself (49).

Cue Hadia's Canadian Belly-Dancing Music.

Athena meets people who share with her the idea that you can dance yourself into a trance, creating a "Vertex" of light and hippie happiness. The ecstatic energy lifts Athena into an addictive, powerful state. At this point I realized the "teachings" outlined in this book could almost be used to start some radical new religion, but Athena isn't ready yet. Her dance mentor recognizes that she is easily influenced and unstable (57), but allows her the means to share this new discovery with her coworkers. I'm not sure I believe anyone could convince the employees of a bank to dance for an hour before each work day, thus doubling their productivity with ease, but for the sake of demonstrating how Athena can manipulate people, I'll go with it. Her boss sharing it with his superiors? Well, at least he admitted it might cost him his job. Threatened by Athena, he obliges to have her relocated, and she finds herself a student of calligraphy in Dubai.

Again, Athena demonstrates that she is always seeking advice, but is never satisfied with the answers anyone provides. Always "unconvinced," she already knows what she wants to do, and is determined to do it. The advice-giver relents, thinking perhaps Athena will learn the hard way, but sensing she will be the exception to the rule.

Her calligraphy teacher has several truths to pass along to Athena (and the reader):

• "Because the hand that draws each line reflects the soul of the person making that line." (76)
• "Everything, absolutely everything on this earth makes sense, and even the smallest things are worthy of our consideration." (77)
• "[A teacher] isn't someone who teaches something, but someone who inspires the student to give of her best in order to discover what she already knows." (78)

I left off with Athena beginning the search for her birth mother. It's the classic orphan story, though I suppose they never end the same even if they all probably feel the same way at some point: "I don't see why I should bother to look for someone who never took the trouble to love me" (84). Her calligraphy teacher taught her the importance of pouring yourself into each letter of each word, but eventually emphasized that it all makes sense only because of the blank spaces. Without them, there would be no language, no music. Athena finds herself lost in the blank spaces, and hopes that locating her birth mother will bring her peace. She doesn't want to fill the spaces, just understand them.

This book will be a great one to read twice -- like a movie you watch over and over, finding new details each time. The only drawback of telling the story through multiple narrators is that I can't seem to remember the names of any of them ...

• Precipitate = rushing headlong
  
• Esoteric = understood by a select few with special knowledge
  
• Perdition = spiritual ruin
  
• Venerate = revere
  
• Retinue = entourage
  

the tortures of athena

I love it when a word from a recent crossword puzzle emerges in real life. I got that same feeling when "The Witch of Portobello" mentioned the tortures inflicted on supposed witches during the Inquisition. I was glad I had scrolled through pages of foot-roasting, knee-splitting and subjection to the "pear of anguish" (thanks to a link from Jezebel.com). I couldn't feel their pain, but I sure could visualize it. Athena is, of course, not punished like the witches of old, but she does apparently experience a modern version of witch torture that involves its own humiliation and ridicule. I haven't read far enough for the particulars, though.

Athena was no saint, though. Andrea, the second narrator, describes a woman who used people to make herself feel powerful. "Athena played with other people's feelings in a quite terrifying way," she says (8). It was a "competitive exhibitionism" Athena expressed through seduction (9). Andrea speaks of an unfinished work she and Athena had begun, but again the "suspense" is just being built up by the author.

Here, a few standout lessons from the opening pages:

• People will believe what they want to believe. (3)
• "If there is any possible consolation in the tragedy of losing someone we love very much, it's the necessary hope that perhaps it was for the best." (5)
• "They say that extroverts are unhappier than introverts and have to compensate for this by constantly proving to themselves how happy and contented and at east with life they are." (9)
  
• "Don't confuse the teacher with the lesson, the ritual with the ecstasy, the transmitter of the symbol with the symbol itself." (11)
• "Our time on this earth is sacred, and we should celebrate every moment." (11)

Edda, Athena's mentor, speaks of the title character as though she has somehow gotten in touch with some special powers we all possess but will not realize for at least another century. She says Athena embodies four archetypes of a woman searching for meaning: Virgin, Martyr, Saint and Witch (12).

We find out soon enough that the biographer/editor narrator is not just an anonymous storyteller but someone who actually lived with Athena at some point for eight years. But that story has yet to be told while room is made for tales of Athena growing up with her adoptive parents, moving to London because of the Lebanese civil war, and marrying Lukas Jessen-Peterson because she wanted to have a baby. The ex-husband describes how Athena claimed roots within the church but displayed contrary views at times. "Athena always lived between two worlds: what she felt was true and what she had been taught by her faith" (27).

And here, a lesson from the priest: "Surrendering completely to love, be it human or divine, means giving up everything, including our own well-being or our ability to make decisions. [...] The truth is that we don't want to be saved in the way God has chosen; we want to keep absolute control over our every step, to be fully conscious of our decisions, to be capable of choosing the object of our devotion." (30)

Finally, we start getting inside Athena's head when she decides she wants a child. She sounds half witchy, half delusional little girl: "When I come here to praise the Virgin with my music, I'm not bothered about what other people might think, I'm simply sharing my feelings with her. And that's how it's always been, ever since I was old enough to think for myself. I'm a vessel in which the Divine Energy can make itself manifest. And that energy is asking me now to have a child, so that I can give it what my birth mother never gave me: protection and security." (33)

Lukas tells us how important music was to Athena, and I'm curious to see what role it will play as the novel unfolds. Athena danced her message to her parents about the coming of blood, she sings her way to spiritual orgasm in the church with the priest, plays guitar for her unborn baby. Lukas says music was the only thing that helped them through their marital arguments, albeit "in some kind of hippyish way" (35). "Music isn't just something that comforts or distracts us, it goes beyond that--it's an ideology. You can judge people by the kind of music they listen to."

Whatever it was the music provided them got lost eventually, and the two parted ways. Lukas tragically realizes that Athena probably never loved him, but equally pitifully regrets abandoning the two most important things in the world -- his wife and son. His reminiscence tugs at the heartstrings when he tells of asking her why she left so willingly, and she finally breaks down and cries. "Because all my life I've learned to suffer in silence," she says (41). I don't know quite enough to want to wonder what might've been, but I have been told enough to be a little skeptical of her suffering. I'm not sure yet whether I'll want to hate her or pity her, or just love to hate her.

• Implacable = not to be appeased or pacified
  
• Spectral = ghostly
  
• Engendered = brought into existence
  
• Vale (of tears) = mortal or earthly life
  
• Filial = pertaining to a son or daughter
  

and it lights up the night

I am utterly beat -- more tired than I've been in a long time. This is because I spent the entire day in the sun. And that's no metaphor. Things have been looking sunny for June, though, and I'm getting all my paperwork squared away for attendance at NYU's publishing institute. I'm so excited, I can't even find words right now. I spent part of my sunny day reading "The Witch of Portobello," and even in my tired stupor I owe it to myself to hold English class.

I'm 40 pages in, and already I've learned quite a few life lessons. The beginning of this book is jam-packed with narrators who want to relate to the narrator/editor/biographer what they've learned in life as a result of their interaction with the title character, known as Athena. The tone implies this self-proclaimed "vessel [of] Divine Energy" existed solely to enlighten those around her about themselves.

The book is set up, as explained in the first paragraph, as a sort of biography whose narrators were involved in the subject's life. The narrator of the first paragraph refers to himself as the editor, and occasionally inserts editor's notes into the dictated story of Athena's life. The first narrator is Heron, a skeptical journalist who apparently became infatuated with Athena. His introduction is quite like what one might find in the opening of a melodramatic movie. It's wistful and self-important, paraphrasing a quote from the Bible and setting the scene for the novel with painfully flagrant suspense. It was almost like watching the trailer of the movie you've just sat down to watch. You're already committed, why waste time advertising? This is probably why I had to read the first six pages of this book four times in three sittings before I could continue.

Cue overused movie-trailer music.

LOVE. SACRIFICE. MORTALITY.
"These were her gardens, her rivers, her mountains."
IN A WORLD OF UNCERTAINTY, ONE WOMAN'S DREAMS WERE NO MATCH FOR THE BITTERNESS OF REALITY.
"... how many of us will be saved the pain of seeing the most important things in our lives disappearing from one moment to the next?"
THOSE WHO LOVED HER MOST WILL STRUGGLE TO MAKE SENSE OF HER LIFE AND DEATH.
KIERA KNIGHTLEY IS: THE WITCH OF PORTOBELLO.

Fortunately, the second narrator was much more engaging, and the characters began to take up residence in my imagination. To some, Athena was like a rock star who had to die tragically at a young age to fulfill her legendary destiny. To others, she was just another manipulative woman, who happened to enjoy exploiting her ethereal tendencies.

Introductory morals, significant quotes and vocabulary words to follow soon.

excuses, excuses

I swear it's a good one this time. I've been examining discussions, blogs, etc. about the NYU Summer Publishing Institute and Columbia Publishing Course, trying to decide which one is for me. I think I've come to the conclusion that NYU is where I want to be. A lot of what people are saying is that the two programs are similar, but Columbia is a little snootier. NYU apparently has a better location for non-meal-plan dining as well as for easy travel to vague publishing-related buildings you might have to visit. Also, NYU allows you to stay in the dorm even after the course is over, because they charge by the week. I haven't found evidence that Columbia would let you do that, even though their job fair is held after the program is over. To a country bumpkin like me, both programs are impressive. NYU seems a bit less scary because it lacks the Ivy League snobbery, and I'm sure you get basically the same information from both -- and having attended either program would be impressive to an employer, I would think.

I've been accepted by NYU and the Denver Publishing Institute so far. Denver's program was the first one I found out about, but it's been third-place in my mind just because of its location. The program boasts "the practicality of New York publishing connections [and] the informality and beauty of Colorado." That sounds pretty appealing, but I think if I have the chance to go to New York, I'd better take it. I haven't received word from Columbia yet about acceptance, but I should know by April 15. I initially put Columbia in the No. 1 spot, but now I'm not so sure. It could be that I'm just still scared I won't be accepted by them, but honestly the having-a-place-to-stay advantage is pretty important to me. Other people on the forums have asked this comparison question, but it seems like they don't get a lot of answers.

I'm getting so excited about going to New York. I almost feel like this is not even real -- like I'll wake up and somebody will be laughing at me. Like something could ruin this. I just can't let that happen. I've got to get my loan on this week and send in all the forms, figure out how the traveling will work, etc. I've read that the university starts a listserv for the attendees, so I'm looking forward to that. Until then, there's a Facebook group and MediaBistro forums. I'm reading it all, but I haven't posted anything yet. My head is still swimming!

apologies to myself

I've been preoccupied this week with other people's blogs and my own school drama, so I've read only about three pages of "The Witch of Portobello." It's not that the book hasn't grabbed me, it's that I haven't given it the opportunity. I tried to start it twice but at such late hours that I fell asleep. Of course, I've managed to read a million blog posts. But that has been educational, as well, and it's prompted me to start some lists.

Books That Consistently Catch Hell in the Blogosphere

1. "The Prophet"

2. "Atlas Shrugged"

3. "The Da Vinci Code"

4. "Bridges of Madison County"

Books That Divide the Literary World

1. "Moby Dick"

2. "The Corrections"

3. "Wuthering Heights"

4. Anything recommended by Oprah. I've deduced that her modern recommendations are trite, but her classics are commendable.

5. "Catcher in the Rye"

Books I'm Glad People Say are Overrated

1. "A Tale of Two Cities"

2. "The Great Gatsby"

3. U2. I know that's a band, but I really hate Bono, and somebody finally agreed with me.

Books That are Consistently Praised

1. "Anna Karenina"

Authors I Should Probably Not Admit I Haven't Read

1. John Updike

2. Henry James

3. Alexander Pushkin

I know one book does not constitute a "list," but I'm planning to add to these, so don't fret.

I saw "Atlas Shrugged" at the Goodwill today, and was tempted to buy it, but the wave of bookshelf intrigue that has been the talk of the book world this week stopped me. I resolved to one day borrow it from a library. It was only 99 cents, but since it hasn't come highly recommended, I passed. I could not, however, pass the first six "Anne" books for 59 cents each. I also picked up a small and colorful guide to the history of shoes, and "House of Seven Gables" by Hawthorne. Speaking of him, "The Scarlet Letter" inspired an excellent quote by New York Times Paper Cuts blog reader Scott Cadwell:

It is the literary equivalent of eating dry toast with no water.

Lovely. Although I think I sort of liked that book. It always makes me think of the word "facade" in reference to a building -- thank you, high-school English class, for teaching me vocabulary words I never use in real life. Except "ludicrous," but I learned that in middle school, in a class where I sat behind a girl who called me "Gin and Juice" before I knew what it meant.

Also at the Goodwill, I recently picked up "Brave New World," "Bias," "Emma" and "Bright Angel Time."

I also learned a cool word in a crossword puzzle today.

Feuilleton =

1. 1. The part of a European newspaper devoted to light fiction, reviews, and articles of general entertainment.
   2. An article appearing in such a section.
   3. A novel published in installments.
   4. A light, popular work of fiction.
2. 1. A novel published in installments.
   2. A light, popular work of fiction.
3. A short literary essay or sketch.