half-way through

I have two good quotes from Chuck today, and I realized why this book is hard to talk about without just quoting the whole thing. He recalls events and explains things. As simple as that sounds, what I mean is the things he says can't be said any better than he says them. He goes into some pretty deep details, too, so I don't feel there's a heck of a lot I can add to it other than, "This guy is awesome, check out what he said."

"This is why men need to become obsessed with things: It's an extroverted way to pursue solipsism."

"Coolness is always what others seem to have naturally--an unspecific, delicious, chocolately paradigm we must pilfer through subterfuge."

After the chapter that demonstrates how cereal commercials teach kids how to be cool, Chuck presents the 23 questions he asks people that help him decide if he can love them. Following, my answers. Will he love me? Doubt it.

1. No. I'm more impressed by brain power a person is compelled to use for the betterment of humanity than brain power a person was gifted with that bears no importance in the grand scheme of things.
2. No way. I'm pretty sure I'm not strong enough mentally or physically to kick anything to death, no matter who it would save.
3. I'd pick the skull. What if the turtle got sick and died? I'm not afraid of Hitler when he's dead.
4. Hell no. No football player has a chance against a 700-pound gorilla.
5. I love Alice in Chains, but I love all music too much to swallow the pill. I'd just date somebody else. (Assuming that's an option. If not, I'd be willing to put up with it to save their collar bones.)
6. No way. I'd just make it a point to write down my dreams if I wanted to remember them that badly. Nobody needs to know that shit but me.
7. Loch Ness Monster. People have biopsies all the time. It can still be above the fold.
8. Nah, I'd just counteract "The Dark Crystal" with "Wayne's World."
9. It would definitely increase the likelihood of me reading it. I'd take the risk. I can only assume those newfound homosexuals went on to find happiness.
10. I haven't read the book, though it's on a display table at work. I'm inclined to think "Barracuda" is better. That wasn't an amazing opening line. But maybe I'll change my mind if I read the book.
11. I'd go call my mom. If the special effects were that good, I could always sit through the boring plot a second time.
12. If $1 already made a difference, then I'm thinking a little something is better than nothing. How about $5. I'm broke, remember?!
13. I guess I'd talk about myself and how my life has changed over the years.
14. Garfield's a smart cat. I think they'd be OK with him. Dogs, on the other hand, would probably be insulted by Odie.
15. Writing my memoirs.
16. I'd probably watch it for a minute, get bored and decide I'd wait and see how it randomly infiltrated my life later.
17. I trust the man with no past the least, because at least the man with the past has been honest enough to let people know about it.
18. Hands down, a year in Europe. I'd much rather do something that involves living life than just be able to say I did one cool thing one time for 10 minutes.
19. I'd say I was really pissed off about something, and I meant to kick the couch.
20. I almost said the documentary, so I could hear what people said about me, but I really think the artistic interpretation would be more interesting. I already know what really happened. But since I get to see them both anyway, why does it matter?
21. Later. By about two years.
22. I thought this boiled down to whether I wanted to be known as a slut or a thief, but really, I guess the thief option is less troubling because it's not true. You could prove that you didn't really do it.
23. I would definitely be weirded out by the loss of free will, but at least I would know that everything always turns out great in sitcoms. I'm not sure why John Ritter is relevant.